“Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.” (1 Corinthians 7:1–5)
Introduction
As we study about marriage, let us consider the lesson purpose of being reminded of the importance of our marriage commitment. There are a few things to keep in mind as we study this lesson: 1. God has an ideal to which He wishes us to adhere. 2. We are to honor Him in our present situation. 3. When we sin, God forgives us. It is necessary to remember these things because of the fact that our lesson will show us the ideal. Sadly we often fail to live up to that ideal. There will be some of you who read this lesson whose marriages have not lived up to this ideal. Perhaps you have experienced a bad marriage, have committed a sin related to your marriage, and maybe you are now in a subsequent marriage. This lesson is not about heaping shame on people who have repented. There is too much pain associated with broken marriages for us to add to that. The only pain that is needed is that godly sorrow that leads to repentance (See 2Corinthians 7:7-10). That is why I also hasten to affirm that God promises to forgive all who have repented of their sins. It is also well that we recognize that, despite our past failures and sins, we are to bloom where we are planted. Our present circumstance is the one in which we live. It is the one for which we are responsible. It is the only one in which we can give glory to God. It is also definitely one in which we can give glory to God, if we but seek to do so with all of our hearts.
As we study this topic we shall consider the following: God’s intention for marriage, the bill of divorcement, and the heart of marriage.
God’s Intention For Marriage
God’s plan for marriage is for a man and a woman to marry and to be committed to that marriage union until it is concluded by the death of one of the spouses. Many people today are becoming, at the least, grudgingly accepting of homosexual marriage. God’s plan is for males to marry females, and His Word tells us that homosexual unions of any sort are unnatural. “Even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: and likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one towards another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.” (Romans 1:26–27)
When a man and a woman are joined together in marriage, God intends for them to not be parted. God desires for marriage to be a lasting commitment in our lives. My favorite set of marriage vows to use when performing a marriage ceremony opens by saying, “(To the man) in taking the woman whom you hold by the right hand to be your lawful and wedded wife, do you pledge to her your complete loyalty, devotion, love, and affection; and do you pledge to give special honor to her as unto the weaker vessel; to dwell with her according to knowledge and understanding; and forsaking all others, to keep only to her lest you sin against God and blaspheme His Holy name? (To the woman) in taking this man who holds you by the right hand, do you pledge to him your complete loyalty, devotion, love, and affection; will you strive to be a crown to his life and acknowledge him gladly as the head of your home, and forsaking all others, to keep only to him lest you sin against God and blaspheme His holy name?” God said that the man and woman should cleave to each other in the marriage bond. This bond should be one that is permanent.
Marriage is also meant to portray the relationship between Christ and His church. Paul told the Ephesians that the man’s love to his wife should mirror that sacrificial love of Christ for His church. He also stated that the woman’s submission to her husband should be modeled after the fact that the church is under the authority and loving leadership of her Savior. Good, godly marriages are attractive to those who view them, because they are peaceful and joyful pictures of that glorious relationship of Christ and the church.
The Bill Of Divorcement
In Matthew 19:1-6 Jesus was asked about the bill of divorcement. Jesus’ reply was that marriage was intended by God to be a lifelong commitment. Note that Jesus did not say that divorce was sinful in every circumstance; but He did say that divorce was allowed because of people’s sinful, hard hearts. In other words, if both parties in a marriage are doing as they should, the marriage commitment will be honored. God’s ideal for marriage is permanence.
The question that came to Jesus was about divorce. It seems that the people of Israel had two factions in existence. One faction was led by a teacher who declared that divorce was never justifiable in any circumstance or situation. The other faction was led by a teacher who declared that divorce was justified at any time. In fact, the latter seems to have taught any fault divorce. The idea was that a man could, based upon Deuteronomy 24:1 where Moses stated that a bill of divorcement could be given should a man’s wife find no favor in his eyes. In reality this was a perversion of the passage, because the whole of it deals with the issue of divorce due to immorality. Never the less they took this idea and decided that a man could divorce his wife for any cause. If she burned the bread two or three times, he could divorce her. If she spoke ill of her husband’s mother, he could divorce her. If she got old and wrinkled and he saw someone prettier that he wanted, he could divorce her. In fact, they decided that a man could divorce his wife for any cause. Interestingly enough the women were not given that same freedom. What a horrible hypocrisy! Jesus responded to this by reminding them that the original plan for permanence and faithfulness in marriage was still in effect.
This brings us to the question of when divorce is actually justifiable or permissible. Jesus’ words tell us that one instance of justifiable divorce is when one spouse is unfaithful to the other. Paul also spoke to the Corinthians about the fact that abandonment by an unbelieving spouse is grounds for divorce. “And the woman which hath a husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?” (1 Corinthians 7:13–16) The fact of abandonment means that one has violated the marriage vow, and the one abandoned has been sinned against and is free from the bond of that marriage.
Moses also was used of God to speak to those who would take multiple wives. Though we know that was by no means God’s plan, yet God, due to the hardness of men’s hearts, gave them rules so that they would not mistreat their wives. In so doing, He said, “And if a man sell his daughter to be a maidservant, she shall not go out as the menservants do. If she please not her master, who hath betrothed her to himself, then shall he let her be redeemed: to sell her unto a strange nation he shall have no power, seeing he hath dealt deceitfully with her. And if he have betrothed her unto his son, he shall deal with her after the manner of daughters. If he take him another wife; her food, her raiment, and her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish. And if he do not these three unto her, then shall she go out free without money.” (Exodus 21:7–11) Notice that there were three things that a man was obligated to do for his wife which, if he did not do them, would render her free to divorce him. Those three things are: he must feed her, clothe her, and give her his physical love. Food, clothing, and marital intimacy are part and parcel of marriage. To deny these things to one’s wife is indeed a type of abandonment, a betrayal of the marriage vow, and grounds for divorce. Let us not forget that Paul stated, “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.” (1 Timothy 5:8)
Let us always hold to the ideal of permanence in marriage. Let us never forget, however, that people are sinful. Often times sinners abuse and misuse those to whom they are to be committed. There are some violations of the marital commitment that are so oppressive, harmful, and damaging, that one is not required of God to remain in that marriage. This is not about easy ways to get out of a marriage that a person doesn’t wish to be in. This is God’s graciously giving mistreated people the opportunity to escape situations where the marriage vow is broken and their hearts and possibly their lives are in jeopardy. Let us pray that, should we ever see someone in such a situation, we shall be as compassionate toward them as our Savior is.
The Heart Of Marriage
This section is headed “The Heart Of Marriage” because it deals with the fact that our hearts must be involved if we are to strive for God’s ideal of marriage. The first way in which our hearts should be involved is in committed cleaving to our spouses. It may be somewhat surprising that love is not being mentioned here, but commitment should be first. Our commitment in marriage is a commitment to love and cleave to our spouses. Often people think of love simply as a feeling that comes or goes as it will. We are commanded to love, though, and that means that we should be committed to love within our marriages. We must give our hearts to working to stay with the person to whom we are married for the glory of God. Just as Jesus was committed to the church to the extent that He died for her, and is yet working to make her the bride that will bring glory to God (See Ephesians 5:25-29), so husbands should be committed to their marriages and their wives. Just as the church is committed to following Christ in faithful obedience, so wives should be committed to cultivating a submissive heart in desiring and seeking to follow their husbands (See Ephesians 5:22-24;1Peter 3:1-6). No, this isn’t easy. That is why we speak of commitment and not just about love. Love will not be strong enough to hold a marriage together unless it is committed love.
Committed love is a beautiful thing, though it often appears to be quite tragic. Many times people are quick to give up on their marriages. There are so many problems that can be overcome by simply being committed to a marriage. Even when one has the justification to divorce their spouse commitment can often enable them to restore their marriage by God’s grace. The book of Hosea shows an example of this. Hosea’s wife, Gomer, was a prostitute. He married her knowing that was what she was. It seems that the three children she bore were probably not even Hosea’s children. The names given to them meanst something to this effect: Jezreel, which means judgment, Loruhammah, or no mercy, and Loammi, which means “not my people.” It seems that Hosea’s naming of the children indicated that he did not accept them as being his offspring. Finally Gomer left Hosea to be with whatever man she could find. The end result of this was that she was finally sold on the auction block as a slave. Commanded by God to do so, Hosea went and purchased her. No longer could Gomer roam. She was bound to Hosea by the bonds of slavery as well as the bonds of marriage. Now you would think that, in such a situation, Hosea would deal quite harshly with her, but he did not. Notice this glorious example of godly, committed love as Hosea said, “Then said the LORD unto me, Go yet, love a woman beloved of her friend, yet an adulteress, according to the love of the LORD toward the children of Israel, who look to other gods, and love flagons of wine. So I bought her to me for fifteen pieces of silver, and for a homer of barley, and a half homer of barley: and I said unto her, Thou shalt abide for me many days; thou shalt not play the harlot, and thou shalt not be for another man: so will I also be for thee.” (Hosea 3:1–3) Isn’t that amazing? What love! What committed love! That is love like the love God has for His people. What a wonderful blessing it would be to our marriages, our children, our churches, and our nation if such commitments were the norm rather than the exception.
Another way that our hearts should be involved in our marriages is in contentment. Notice how Paul placed contentment alongside the encouragement to marital faithfulness. “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me.” (Hebrews 13:4–6) Those of us who are contented in our marriages are much more likely to remain committed to our marriages. Lust is the desire for something that is forbidden. Lust for another man or woman is sinful discontentment with the spouse God has given to us. Jesus said that such lust is adulterous (See Matthew 5:27-32). Solomon called for his son to be contented within his marriage, to seek and find his fulfillment together with his wife, and to enjoy the blessings of marriage (Proverbs 5:15-23). When we are satisfied to remain with the spouse God has gifted us with, our marriages will be blessed as will our hearts. Let us pray for strength to have contented hearts.
Conclusion
No doubt this lesson has stirred up a number of emotions and feelings. There is probably no area that is any more sensitive than the subject of marriage. There is also no state that is more blessed and rewarding than marriage. It is my prayer that we will seek by God’s grace to hold to His ideal in our homes.
The Baptist Sentinel 