Godly Discussion

Some Thoughts on Having Godly Discussions

“Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.” (Colossians 4:6) 

Godly Discussions

Before we look at Biblical principles of godly discussion, it is necessary that we understand godly discussions between parties who differ are possible. We can disagree and discuss our disagreements in a godly way, looking to influence one another toward the truth. There are those who think we should not discuss our disagreements at all. There are three significant problems with that: 1. If we do not discuss disagreements, we cannot reach the lost, with whom we have great disagreements. 2. If we do not discuss our disagreements, we will be very unlikely to reach any agreements. 3. The very expression of this notion of discussing disagreements being wrong is inconsistent because one must discuss his disagreement with discussing disagreements to make his opinion known.

As we consider godly discussions, we need to recognize God’s command for unity in our understanding and application of Scripture. We are commanded to be of one mind. “Now I beseech you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye all speak the same thing, and that there be no divisions among you; but that ye be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment.” (1 Corinthians 1:10) God’s Word also says, “And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers; For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ: Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ: That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive; But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ: From whom the whole body fitly joined together and compacted by that which every joint supplieth, according to the effectual working in the measure of every part, maketh increase of the body unto the edifying of itself in love.” (Ephesians 4:11–16) God gives the church pastors who are teachers so the church could be united in the truth and grow to be like Jesus. For growth in knowledge and grace to occur, we must address the areas in which there are wrong ideas and help a person to know and believe the truth. This means there is a godly way to disagree and pursue unity in the faith. It is our duty to learn, understand, and apply this.

Since Scripture, not opinion, is the authority for our lives, let us consider a Biblical example of a godly disagreement. Paul was ministering at Antioch when Peter came, was a bit intimidated by some Jewish believers from Jerusalem, and separated himself from eating with Gentile believers as though they were second class or unclean. This quickly became a problem of great degree because Barnabas was carried away with what Paul called dissimulation or hypocrisy. Paul’s response was to withstand or resist Peter, and he did so to Peter’s face. He did not go behind Peter’s back and gossip or grumble; he addressed the matter personally, correcting Peter’s inconsistent behavior and thus rectifying the problem. The example does not stop here, however. Peter’s response is a wonderful example of the Christian spirit, as he later spoke of “our beloved brother Paul.” (2 Peter 3:15) Paul’s intervention was necessary. The correction needed to be made for the health and unity of the church. Peter’s response was godly, and the problem was rectified. What more could we ask for in such a case? May we all be like Paul and Peter!

As Paul went to Ephesus, he began to debate in the synagogue for three months, teaching and preaching about Jesus being the promised Christ and Savior. The Jews did not agree by any means. Most of them resisted the gospel, yet Paul knew the truth of the gospel must be presented despite their disagreement or they would not have the opportunity to get saved. Because of the hardness of many hearts, Paul left the synagogue and went to a certain school, disputing there. Paul’s approach was not an antagonistic approach of speaking abusively. He simply reasoned with them from the Scriptures, presented the truth, answered their questions and oppositions, and upheld Jesus. This is a godly form of argumentation which should be an example to us. Because of Paul doing this, there were people saved and a church was established in Ephesus. Godly discussions have the potential to do much good. 

Biblical Principles of Godly Discussion

Having proven that we can have a godly discussion or debate, let us consider some Biblical principles of godly discussion.

First, truth is supreme, and Scripture is the final authority. There can be no godly debate about right and wrong or sound or false doctrine unless we submit to the authority of Scripture. Scripture is sufficient and authoritative for all our doctrinal and practical needs. “All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, throughly furnished unto all good works.” (2 Timothy 3:16–17)

In discussions where there are disagreements, love is always an absolute necessity. Love is not malicious but seeks the good of the one loved (Romans 13:8-10). Love will motivate us to treat one another well by being patient, kind, refusing to think ill of one another, speaking and acting with humility, and being generally pleasant (1 Corinthians 13:1-7).

As we meet disagreements among brethren and address them, we should always bear in mind the importance of relationships. Abram, when dealing with conflict between himself and Lot, said, “Let there be no strife, I pray thee, between me and thee, and between my herdmen and thy herdmen; for we be brethren.” (Genesis 13:8) We are instructed to love as brethren (1 Peter 3:8). Jesus also taught us to seek reconciliation, the restoration of damaged or broken relationships, when trouble arises between brethren (Matthew 18:15-20). While it is important that our brethren know and believe the truth, we cannot reach them if we do not seek to win them personally. It is easy to get caught up in a discussion and try to win an argument rather than trying to win the person. We have accomplished little to nothing, however, if we manage to overwhelm a person with arguments, information, and logic while failing to maintain or strengthen our relationship with that person. Our goal is to win hearts not arguments.

When discussing a disagreement with another, humility and meekness are necessary. Whether a brother has fallen through sinful activity or through wrong beliefs, we are taught to “restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.” (Galatians 6:1) This truly is a continuation of the discussion of making efforts to keep or restore relationships and treating others as brothers. Many times, the Bible instructs us to edify one another, and this is certainly true when dealing with disagreements. Humility and meekness go much further than the harshness and impatience that often goes with the desire to simply prove oneself right. Though Paul was rebuking Corinth, he still said, “Now I Paul myself beseech you by the meekness and gentleness of Christ, who in presence am base among you, but being absent am bold toward you.” (2 Corinthians 10:1) The Holy Spirit also directed Paul to write, “And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient, In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth; And that they may recover themselves out of the snare of the devil, who are taken captive by him at his will.” (2 Timothy 2:24–26) Humbly realizing I could be the one in the wrong and dealing gently with those who differ with me is imperative if I would win them.

When we speak with others about disagreements, we often fail through being verbose when we should also be listening. (Lord, help me!) We want them to understand what we mean and what we believe. We want to persuade them and that with a passion and they often feel the same! If we listen, we can learn (Proverbs 1:5). We can learn the reasoning of the other person. We can learn their heart, desires, and needs, and how we can help them. We can also learn good things we do not know. If we do not listen, we may find ourselves embarrassed by the not responding correctly. “He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him.” (Proverbs 18:13) It is a common fault to speak quickly rather than taking time to hear another’s reasoning. This is such an easy thing to do. We are sadly too prone to interrupt others to give our opinions and offer correctives rather than listening. We want others to hear us, and we should give them a hearing also.

It is of great use to us to learn the basic rules of logic and use them. God Himself said, “Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD…” (Isaiah 1:18) It is imperative God’s people are people who reason correctly, so we can get our beliefs correct as well as speak the truth to others correctly.

Finally, courtesy is commanded when we disagree with others. I know of nothing so neglected as courtesy. Although I decry the failure of many to use good logic in discussions, the lack of Christian courtesy is both astounding and troubling. While God’s people should treat one another as brothers and sisters, showing meekness and love, too often people become sinfully angry, misrepresent what their brother says, mock them, call them ugly names, and become generally spiteful. Let us never forget, “He therefore that despiseth, despiseth not man, but God, who hath also given unto us his holy Spirit.” (1 Thessalonians 4:8) When we mistreat God’s people, we are mistreating God. May God help us to refuse to act in such a manner! We are commanded, “Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous: Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing. For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile: Let him eschew evil, and do good; let him seek peace, and ensue it.” (1 Peter 3:8–11) Christian courtesy is not an option but a necessity when discussing disagreements.

Final Thoughts

Our goal as Christians is to seek unity in the faith and must deal with our brethren in a charitable manner when we disagree. Our culture and our various media have made it increasingly easy to interact with others. As our interaction has increased our disagreements have increased as well, leading to much unpleasantness at times. We are often careless in expressing ourselves in our communications and careless in our attention to what others have to say. Often folks jump to wrongful conclusions, responding in very rude and ungodly ways, assuming things about people they often do not know and responding wrongfully or publicly becoming abusive to them. It is my desire this article provokes godly reflection and godly application as we look to honor God and foster godly relationships with His children.