Thoughts on Spiritual Abuse

Spiritual Abuse

“I would they were even cut off which trouble you.” (Galatians 5:12)

            While there are many things which some who are quite bitter or liberal (Did I repeat myself there?) would declare spiritual abuse, there are some very certain signs to look for. While it is right to separate from some due to false doctrines or immorality, spiritual abusers will do so over issues that are either what we might call secondary matters or matters of Christian liberty. Below are some signs of spiritual abuse.

• While one might question the abuser, never will the abuser accept any question that brings into doubt his authority, knowledge, understanding or wisdom.
• The abuser has little to no patience with anyone who disagrees with him.
• The abuser often speaks disparagingly of those who disagree with him.
• The abuser often marginalizes, isolates, or totally separates from those who disagree with him.
• The abuser uses church discipline as a weapon to get destroy or remove those who disagree rather than as a God-given instrument of repentance and reconciliation for erring saints.
• The abuser often has an inner circle and only those who are willing to go along with him in all he does are in that circle.
  • This circle is often used as a tool to draw people in to follow and obey the leader more.
  • The ability to remain in this circle is based on one’s willingness to follow the dictates of the leader and removal from the inner circle is used as a threat to motivate followers to obey.
• The abuser often believes and repeats things about others that are not true; and he often uses these things to manipulate people.
• The abuser has an us vs them mentality. Those who agree are on his side and those who do not are at best unspiritual and at worst enemies and under Divine condemnation.

To combat spiritual abuse is often an issue of lifelong recovery and growth, requiring one to learn his standing in the grace of God. Seldom will one convince his abuser of the wrong he has done. Usually, the abused simply must move on and often cut all ties with the abuser. Often the abused will question whether he has responded in a Christian manner because the abuser has so greatly manipulated him that he has immense doubts about himself and his decision making. One must continually grow in Christ to move on from spiritual abuse.

It is most certainly essential that we recognize spiritual abuse as an aberration and not true Christian behavior. Jesus was meek and lowly at heart. Paul pled with people employing the meekness and gentleness of Christ. The fruit of the Spirit is in all that is righteous, loving, and pure. Division and strife are born of pride and ungodliness, while the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of peacemaking people.

Finally, the abused person must do the hard but necessary thing of being willing to forgive the abuser and hold no ill will toward him. Just as Jesus never threatened nor condemned those who crucified Him, yet interceded with the Heavenly Father for them, so we must habitually pray for those who have abused us.

While much more could be said, I pray these few words which flow from my own experiences will be used to be a blessing to someone.